While the festive period is a unique time of year for most families, whether an extended family, blended family or a single parent family, if you’re a brand new parent of a newborn or even an 11 month old, this is your first Christmas together as a family of three so it’s going to be an extra special holiday. You’ll want it to be memorable for all the right reasons – and that has a lot to do with your expectations.
Here’s a few things you might like to consider:
1. Christmas doesn’t matter to babies. Let’s get that out there, right from the start! Babies won’t care that you have a specially selected outfit for them or have searched high and low for the perfect gift. They won’t care what feast or arrangements you may have planned for the festive period. They’ll be happy if they’re feeling safe, secure, fed, rested and, if they’re a little older, satisfyingly played-out.
Tip: This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy browsing and shopping for Christmas, but if your baby spits up on their best outfit the moment you get them into it, or takes more interest in the box than in the gift you agonized over buying for them, don’t be surprised, and don’t take it personally. Babies do that.
2. Dinner may be late. Babies, as you’re discovering, have their own unique schedules. They’ll want to eat whenever and wherever they are. This means you, your partner and any guests will need to be flexible with mealtimes. The image of sitting around the table while your baby gently sleeps or sits on your lap happily exploring exciting new ‘Christmassy’ flavours, may be very far from the reality on the day.
Tip: Rather than set dinner for a rigid time, eat when the food is ready. If your baby won’t settle, and you’d prefer not to eat one-handed (you’ll become an expert at this at some stage!) then take it in turns to eat while your partner and other guests soothe or entertain the guest of honour.
3. Your baby may get over-stimulated. The holidays are a great opportunity for togetherness, but if you’re visiting others or have visitors staying, this is likely to upset your baby’s normal routine and the extra attention and over-stimulation can lead to spectacular meltdowns for babies.
Tip: Meltdowns are your baby’s only way of communicating that they’re experiencing something outside of their comfort zone. This isn’t something babies do deliberately to show their parents up or test them. Try taking your baby away to a quiet room and take turns to stay with them so you and your partner both have a chance to mingle and enjoy some adult time too.
4. Christmas is not all about the baby. It’s about you too. This is the first Christmas at least one, and maybe both of you has become a parent. This is a milestone! To mark it you might like to think about creating some special First Christmas memories. What might make this day special for your partner too? A snuggle on the sofa eating Christmas goodies while the baby sleeps? Running a bubbly bath? Or simply sharing a toast to YOU BOTH? Find ways to connect, support each other and celebrate this very special occasion together.
Tip: Discuss your ideas for the day in advance and accept there are likely to be compromises. You both have different upbringings and traditions, and therefore expectations, surrounding this festive period. Knowing in advance what you both hope for can prevent tension, reduce assumptions and stop resentment. And even if there is a disaster on the day, you’ll have your special memory too.
5. There needs to be at least one designated parent. Christmas is traditionally a time for over-indulgence, switching off and ‘letting your hair down’. This means you may need to discuss who will be the responsible parent for the evening, particularly if alcohol is involved. Breastfeeding mums or teetotallers tend to draw the short straw here, so the “free pass” partner needs to be appreciative of this and not take it for granted. And it’s not much fun being responsible for is a grizzly baby AND a blind drunk partner. Talk together about what you both need to have a relaxing and enjoyable evening and what the limits might be so one of you is comfortable taking full responsibility for caring for the baby that night so your partner can have more time out with the security of knowing you’re doing this.
Tip: Decide who is going to be the designated parent in advance - before any alcohol starts flowing. Even if you’re both going out and leaving the baby with a sitter or relative, unless they’re staying overnight, one of you will need to take over once the sitter has gone home and get up early the next morning. Make sure you’re clear about who this is. Then, give the designated parent some extra time off in the days following, or you could agree to swap roles next year.
6. There may be tears – and not just from your baby. Christmas, as wonderful as it is, can often be stressful. If you or your partner is struggling with adjusting to parenthood or family life, grieving for a lost family member or is stressed for other reasons, Christmas can sometimes feel like an added burden and something you just want to get over and done with. If you or your partner are suffering from a mental health condition like anxiety, depression or PTSD, Christmas can amplify feelings and also trigger past events.
Tip: Take time to check in with each other. Check how your partner is coping and be ready to cut visits short, or take over tasks so they can step back, go for a walk or simply retreat and rest for a while. Be ready to comfort them, or give them space, and be understanding - even if they don’t understand why they’re feeling the way they are.
7. Take photos of ALL of you together. Today, more than ever, it’s so easy to take photos of yourselves as a ‘selfie’. You’ll cherish these images in years to come and they will tell another story you can share with your little one when they’re older.
Tip: Don’t forget to ask any friends or family to take photos of you too and send them to you before they leave the house, so they don’t forget and then you have to chase them up!
8. Be social media savvy. It’s your first Christmas – and of course you want to share your photos – it’s the season of sharing, after all. But sadly, there are people in the world who may not view your photos with good intentions, so be mindful about who you share them with. Consider creating a private group, so only those you know and love can enjoy them.
Tip: Make sure friends and family are aware of your feelings in relation to sharing images of you and/or your baby and make sure they respect them.
9. There’s always next year! As babies grow, Christmas gets more magical every year, so whether they screamed or snoozed through the entire first Christmas day, next year will be a whole other exciting day. And a great opportunity for a do-over if you want it to be.
Tip: Make this Christmas the Christmas you want for YOUR family. If this means avoiding challenging relatives, hibernating in your home or being total social butterflies, this Christmas is the first of many milestones for you and your special family. Enjoy!
